No Gray Area

In a bid to strengthen relations with beIN Sports (formerly Al Jazeera Sports) who currently employ Andy Gray, BT Sport have made the decision to hire him to co-commentate on the FA Cup fourth-round tie today between Stevenage and Everton -on a guest basis- with the possibility of further appearances.

This marks Andy Grays’ return to British television commentary after a three year hiatus, during which time he has been a regular on TalkSport radio and taken part in multiple corporate events, alongside fellow sexist Richard Keys, in a show entitled – and I’m not joking – Smash It!; words used as part of a misogynist aside that Keys made, whilst working for Sky Sports, which was recorded and is available to view online.

Gray also made two misogynist remarks to female colleagues, both of which are indisputable and viewable. One in which he refers to female lino Sian Massey, in which he said – amongst other things – that women didn’t know the offside rule. And another occasion in which he essentially asked female colleague Charlotte Jackson to retrieve a microphone from his crotch.

There are two myths people perpetuate whilst defending Gray.

The first is that his commentary is unparalleled. Gray stood out, only because the boys-brigade pool of pundits and commentators is so catastrophically weak. No-one is forcing BT Sport to employ the pleasant but insufferably dull Michael Owen, for example.

Gary Neville is easily the greatest football pundit on TV today, and his is a relatively new tenure. Just shop around is the answer. Stop favouring the Alans and returning to the same dullards time and again. Switch it up. There are black people and women who are witty and insightful and know about football too. Make it competitive, like in any other industry. For how many years have I got to try and avoid Alan Shearer and his big, red, sweaty head on Match of the Day? Chiles has had a go and he’s awful. BT Sport were so afraid to risk-take when compiling their new sporting line up, they plundered shit football broadcasting from twenty years ago and re-hired the Home Counties, pseudo-lad Tim Lovejoy, who was as shit then as he is now.

There are miles better pundits than Gray is the point, even if we were willing to overlook the sexist abuse of colleagues. Which we’re not.

The second myth is that Sky had a vendetta against Keys and Gray and they were set up. They may have acquired enemies at Sky who wanted them sacked for multiple alleged reasons. They may have also secretly filmed. I’ll level with you, I’m sceptical about that. However, as even a fairly competent six year old can attest; one cannot be secretly filmed being a misogynist arsehole if one is not a misogynist arsehole.

The papers are reporting Grays return to television but failing to consider the implications this has on BT Sport female employees who are being compromised and asked (either implicitly or explicitly) to work alongside someone with a history of abuse of female colleagues. Further, female football fans are being dismissed and undermined. The two individuals concerned: Sian Massey and Charlotte Jackson are learning that sexist abuse in the workplace is acceptable. And I am rapidly learning that BT are unwilling to engage with me on this issue on any of their social network platforms.

There are bigger issues for women, when we look at rape and domestic violence statistics. There are bigger issues for football, when we look at Qatar. Nonetheless, like Atkinson, those being proven to be publicly abusive in football deserve to permanently lose the right to broadcast.

Gray is tangibly unremorseful too.

BT have a moral obligation to protect women in football and their customers and have shown wilful disregard to both.

Unforgivable.

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@JudeinLondon

I often disagree with my mate Jude. She has some shite taste in music and her disturbing devotion to mayonnaise over HP sauce irks me, profoundly.

We like who we like, and we hate who we hate when it comes to social media and it’s fair dos. We don’t have to follow and we can block and we can choose not to engage.

We can also go all out on starting a twitter row, and sometimes rows are fruitless and sometimes they resolve things. But the nature of social media is that you can confront sentiments you’re opposed to and if the other person is willing you can argue it out. Which is also fair enough.

But here are a couple of things I want to counter in the endless torrent of abuse @Judeinlondon receives.

 

Jude is racist, because she uses the term White Devils

 

I’m not comparing Jude to Mohammed Ali, but I’m gonna draw your attention to this…

“The day after he beat Liston, Clay announced publicly that he was a member of the NOI. There are no words for the firestorm this caused. Whatever disagreements one may have with the Nation of Islam, the fact is that the heavyweight champion of the world was joining the organization of Malcolm X. The champ was with a group that called white people devils and stood unapologetically for self defense…” – David Zirin; Author of What’s my name, fool?, The Mohammed Ali handbook & Welcome to the Terrordome: The Pain, Politics and Promise of Sports

 

Ali was regularly critiqued on his tone and intonation. Something leveled at Jude is that she is rude and confrontational. All great black activism – in fact any political activism – is rooted in anger and antagonism.

It’s not socialist, but in fact a hideous neo-liberal position to tell anyone engaged in political dialogue that they are too aggressive.

I’ve seen loads of you who would describe yourself as left-leaning pile onto the “Jude is nuts” wagon.

Here’s the thing.

Most of you are white.

THAT’S how you fucking know you’re on the wrong team. If you’ve spent the last day or two, tweeting about Jude while Tommy Robinson lives and fucking breathes YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

No one wants to be the problem.

Thirty-five middle-aged men into casual sports wear who would remotely align themselves to socialism, making snide tweets to each other:

“Have you heard this one, Phil? I’m racist…”

“Better get me Ku Klux Klan outfit for Halloween..” etc

You’re WHITE. You’re tweeting to another WHITE person about the intricacies of race in the context of labeling the black person in the “discussion” as off her head.

You’re WRONG, you jebs.

Tweet about ATOS vans, or the EDL, or the Tories if you want to prove you’re not racist. Don’t make shit gags to your white mates about the BLACK PERSON upon whom this discussion RESTS.

 

People who support Jude are sycophants

 

I’m not a sycophant. I wouldn’t kiss an arse, even if it belonged to someone fit and was part of some reciprocal lovemaking scenario.

I make my choice to support Jude because it’s a fucking easy one.

She asserts herself during conversations and describes herself as part of rude twitter, but I find her politics actually very measured.

I’m much angrier than Jude as a person. And if I were black – and I’m not so I’m just guessing – I think I’d be incandescent.

YOU CUNTS are incandescent about race and you belong to a race of people that aren’t even racially oppressed.

 

  Calling Jude, Dude in London or Drogba isn’t Racist or Misogynist

 

Yes it is. There are black men on my TL who are AT LEAST as politically opinionated as Jude and never get the same sort of horrible personal attacks about looks, gender and race.

She needs a shag, she’s on her period, she’s a tranny… all horribly race and gender specific.

The worst I’ve seen about the way Tommy Robinson looks on twitter is that he’s trying to emulate Tom Cruise in Top Gun, when he wore a dodgy outfit.

That’s because there isn’t language and semantics that could shame and vilify Tommy Robinson in the same way that people are attempting to shame and vilify Jude.

 

Jude hates men

 

Jude fucks men. The KillAllMen hashtag is used against her, even though it’s clearly in a context of wit, transposed within a landscape of genuine feminist critique.

It’s the same lads making jokes about paedophiles, trying to liken the KillAllMen hashtag to her wider, entirely sound political observations.

I saw a young girl – dense as all fuck – who tweeted something like:

“Can’t believe @JudeInLondon just called someone a misogynist then her next tweet – seriously – was KillAllMen”

You’re following cunts who regularly make gags about people who shag kids, cocker. Back to school for you, dickhead.

Just because some women too firmly entrenched in Patriarchy agree with you – the same dicks who are RTing your paedo gags and don’t choose to engage in internet politics (which is their choice, but I’m political EVERYWHERE) – don’t kid yourself you’re the civil ones.

 

Jude tweets too much

 

Jude can do what the fuck she wants.

Plus it’s not Jude hanging on to the fucking argument for days after like a fucking petulant teenager.

“I don’t care about the internet… it’s not real..”

You’re doing a fucking good impression of someone who cares, you relentlessly tweeting cunt.

Personal attacks on Jude’s grief

 

Once more, Jude can do what the fuck she wants.

Anyone questioning the solemnity of someone’s grief by whether or not she goes on the internet is a bad dickhead. And barrel scraping.

 

Jude is a self-appointed Human Rights Campaigner

 

Jude made a documentary for the BBC about women in DRC. Jude regularly contributes publicly both in person and in writing about women suffering in the DRC. Jude pursues a political dialogue within New Media despite relentless unnecessary abuse.

She’s not a self-appointed Human Rights Campaigner.

 

 

To conclude:

You don’t have to like Jude, obviously. You can hate Jude. You can slag Jude off. But if you’re in the “Dude in London…” thread, there’s no debate to be had. You ARE the bell.

 

I’ll get shit for writing this. Arsed.

Jude knows – as well as I do – that we could pose in replica shirts and joke about anal sex and RT your jokes and not have a political identity whatsoever and get no shit at all from football fans.

Fuck that.


Why I Hate Banter – Rape Culture and Football

I woke up this morning wondering whether I was a megalomaniac arsehole.

And as I demanded family members make me brews and bacon butties, and revelled in the sheer majesty of my own reflection, I concluded thusly:

“No, Goddess. No you’re not.”

I’d been worried because I’d fallen out with some people as a consequence of a few on-line episodes involving misogyny and complicity. Which seems a ridiculous thing to get wound up about. Unless you’re an intelligent woman, in touch with culture and society, and have spent more than 45 seconds online.

You see, I didn’t particularly want to be an online feminist. I just wanted to bore the arse off people with pictures of my dinner and have a few digs at Coldplay like everyone else. But the problem is, I like football.

I like football, and I also like… and call me Mrs Picky… earning the same as men for the same job, feeling safe if I get pissed, not being judged on a different moral compass purely on account of the vagina, not being statistically more likely to be raped, or killed/ battered by a partner and the list goes on.

So where to start…? Ok, here:

Football and Feminism are not incompatible. Far from it.

From 1885 when working class people had successfully fought for the sport to allow professional participants, right up until the late 1900’s when a variety of factors changed the game beyond recognition – working class males were the imperfect audience for football.

Which brings us the combination of factors that have changed the landscape of modern football, to which many of us object. A grotesque mostly deliberate/ part accidental culmination of the formulation of the Premier League, an expensive television rights bidding war and the Taylor Report which resulted in all seater- stadia that led, in conjunction with new money in the game, to huge corporate areas and a focus on families (rich families) planted a seed in football which has led to the entire sport becoming a massive pile of corporate steaming shite that bears little resemblance to football past.

I’ve shorthanded there. Fuck it.

The very worst thing that modern football has done, however is to create a generation of real dickheads who “love” the sport.

These people are often from places like Shropshire or Surrey, and so have been shielded from the effects that football has had on big cities. They started liking football in the 1990s and are ignorant of the inherent politics that underpins football historically.

No sense of pride or value, they instead trawl the internet and use forums to espouse a caricature of manliness that they have been fed since around 1992 from FHM and those other shithouse publications. It’s a new version of misogyny that is directly entrenched in the values of modern football.

New media doesn’t help. The online football fans represent a very tiny minority of those who actually regularly go and watch live football, and very few people I know personally who have a season ticket have any online presence whatsoever.

Which means that a lot of the people we see on the internet participating in this modern football “banter” disease, subjugating women, targeting specific women and then hounding them in groups, tweeting disgusting shite to famous people, mocking tragedies etc… They should be considered victims.

They are victims of modern football, in much the same way others are.

I am regularly engaging with knobheads on the internet about what constitutes Rape Culture. Rape Culture is the prevailing sense that misogyny at a small group level, if not confronted, is connected to rape.

Those older, working class football fans who have a sense of understanding about struggle and a political perspective get it. Of course they do.

You’d have to be dense as all FRIG not to understand that when mates don’t say to their mates… ‘What you’re saying there is wrong” this leaves the misogynist under the impression that they have social approval.

That’s what Rape Culture is  and I apologise for patronising those of you with basic intellect for spelling it out so crudely.

You look at long-term football attendees who are a couple of generations older and they make off-colour jokes, they buy Viz, they have the craic… but there is no fucking way they’d participate in calling women a slut in groups. Online, or anywhere else.

No one I know – not even from rough as arseholes areas of Manchester – no one I know who is over 35 is a) gonna participate in bullying women at the football or b) allow other groups of men to do it.

In terms of football; it’s a new thing.

Every week new footballers are being charged with sexual assault. The focus is aimed at women who are drinking more, because of ladette culture (another media construct – guess which gender and class own the fucking media, fuckos?), not on the fact that these young kids are all over the fucking internet espousing views they’ve directly inherited from this shitehawk modern football, lad culture.

Because football has become so corporate, it’s no surprise that we see the trend for violence in sport being reflected in corporate capitalist America. We saw it recently in the Steubenville Rape case. A very insidious, new media-led misogyny serving to make women the focus of what is clearly a male problem.

Even Richard Keys – the poisonous little gnome – trying to ingratiate himself with the much younger Jamie Redknapp using the infamous “Would you smash it?” The visible look of disdain on Jamie’s face as he tried to hold onto his dinner, under his skinny tie.

George Lineker on twitter every day speaking about women like they are pieces of shite, meanwhile his father – the most prolific football presenter in the country – never publicly bollocks him.

Like I said, those people entrenched in football-fan misogyny are victims. They are victims of modern football, and in a very real sense, victims in life. They live for a football, the roots of which they are not in touch with, God love ‘em. Plus they’re mostly witless.

The real problem I have is with those people who are complicit. This is why I get narked. You expect people who express themselves as socialists, or as intelligent or compassionate to have the balls to stand up to their mates.

But we live and learn.

For the record, if you see a woman being abused by a man in the street it is always best to intervene if you feel able. Equally, if you’re maintaining friendships with people who bully women and you’re aware of it, you’re complicit in that bullying.

I will use this opportunity to say that I am fully aware that misogyny is not limited to football – modern or otherwise – and that footballers and fans have treated women badly prior to 1992. What I refer to here is a very specific sort of woman-hating that is directly linked to football within the last 20 years or so.

On a final note, I am fucking devastated Gandolfini is dead. He was the sort of guy that these new-age misogynists look up to, and would have as a picture on their social network account. Without even thinking for one fucking minute that this hero of theirs would never -in a million yearssss – been caught spending hours on football forums bullying women in order to solicit the approval of other men.


Happy Father’s Day

It’s Father’s Day again. Nice one.

 

In a week where a Fathers4Justice campaigner saw fit to daub the word “Help” over a portrait of the Queen, as it was hung in Chapter House at Westminster Abbey, I can’t help but be reminded of the sheer ineptitude of Fathers4Justice and the absolute preposterousness of the entire movement.

 

First of all: Fathers4Justice aren’t a group of male parents with a shared interest in the pursuit of social morality as it pertains, to law, social law and rightness.

 

No, Fathers4Justice and associated political remonstrators are more Fathers4TryingToExertControlOverWomenWhoHaveSomeSlightThoughByNoMeansComprehensiveLegalBiasInTheirFavourBecauseItHasBeenProvenToBeBenficialForChildrenInGeneralTermsToLiveWithTheirMotherButThisIsByNoMeansAbsoluteAndAGreatNumberOfMenAreAlsoGivenCustodialRightsOverTheirChildren, but I don’t think they could fit it on the website.

 

As some chubby oik squeezes on his Batman suit and haphazardly shimmies his way up a London landmark, let me tell you what most right-minded people are thinking:

 

“This lad is unhappy about the breakdown of his relationship. If he’d made better choices prior to and during his relationship with the mother of his children, there is a distinct possibility that he’d be sat in McDonalds or at a Wacky Warehouse with them now, instead of making himself look like an absolute swinging ballsack atop The Houses of Parliament.

Most people find parenting extremely difficult. Single mums I know would gladly accept the offer of shared parenting. In fact they are likely to jump up and down for joy at the prospect of a break. So the fact that after the breakdown of your relationship, your ex partner is wilfully withholding your kids from you, tells me a lot about you. Even if the Batman suit hadn’t.

Let’s say –for argument’s sake – that some of these women are mentally ill or using the “children as a weapon” as is proposed. This cannot be true of all the single parent females left to fend for themselves when raising their kids. In this country, men who have been violent to ex partners are still allowed to see their children. Men who are imprisoned for violent assaults are often allowed to see their children, and given custodial rights.

The truth is that for the vast majority of campaigning fathers, much like those men stood outside abortion clinics telling women what to do with their bodies, or those men who make up more than 70% of all parents killing their children (often in retaliation for infidelity or a break-up) this is all about taking the very few human rights and slight legal familial privileges women have away from them.”

 

That’s what we’re thinking.

 

In addition, on the Fathers4Justice website it claims that fathers have fewer rights than animals. Another absurdity. Fathers are subject to the full range of human rights afforded to the rest of us, in addition to their parental rights, which are extensive.

 

Also, Dads have better employment, health, housing, financial and societal statistics in their favour. Dads are less likely to be beaten by partners, raped, sexually harassed in the workplace or have to endure ex partners in Batman suits trying to control their waking minutes.

 

So that’s something to hold on to.

 

I’m dead lucky, I’ve never been involved in an acrimonious break up. I’ve had relationships with some fantastic people.

 

But the thinly veiled rage emanating from this Jeremy Kyle-style, “He has broken my ribs on a couple of occasions and slammed the door in my face, but I have to say he’s a fantastic dad…”

 

He’s not.

 

Being a good dad is not getting your nipper’s name tattooed on your bicep, then calling your girlfriend fat six weeks after giving birth.

 

Being a good dad is not holding your child aloft at family functions, then getting back to the house and passing the baby back to it’s Mam for all the menial day-to-day shit.

 

Being a good dad is definitely not splitting from your ex and buying the kid toys and shoes that you decide it needs because you don’t want your money being spent on anything of hers, you know what she’s like the bitch.

 

No. Being a good dad is about being a good human being, respectful of women, particularly the child’s mother and respecting the fact that when relationships end, you have a duty to retain some respect for the woman you had a kid with.

 

If you’re reading this and thinking I’m saying all dads are arseholes, then you’re not reading properly. Good dads are ace. But a major facet in being a good dad, in fact, the primary facet of being a good dad is being good to your kid’s mother. Think on.

 

 

Happy Father’s Day.


Blurred Lines

 

 

Dear Dad,

 

I just want to thank you for your involvement in the creation of the music video and lyrical content of Blurred Lines. The production was fucking aces, and treble kudos on getting Diane Martel to direct it, a huge Hip Hop pedigree and a chance to deflect any negativity about the themes in the video/ lyrics.

 

Listen, I just want to thank you, man. You’ve given me something to aim for in life. I’ve learnt that it’s ok for men to address me as bitch, and I’ve learnt that a guy is luckiest if he talks to me and “I’m the hottest bitch in this place.” I’ve also learnt that in order to be hot, I should get naked and have the sort of body that most women cannot reasonably attain without surgery/ starvation.

 

I’ve learnt that it’s cool as fuck to have three men at least a decade older than me stand around fully clothed while I parade in thong underwear, as they sing songs about splitting my anus open with their penis.

 

I’ve been encouraged by the idea that it’s up to men to either “domesticate” or “liberate” me, and that “I’m an animal” and that “It’s in my nature.” Phew. For one uncomfortable moment, I thought I might have choices.

 

It’s come as quite a relief to me that I don’t have to consider whether or not “I want it”, because – apparently- men know what I want.  And I want it. That line “I’m a nice guy, but don’t get it confused, you’re getting’ it”? It just cleared up everything for me.

 

Since the music was so innovative, you had an opportunity to deflect from the “This is what bitches are..” schtick, but thank GOD you didn’t. I could be living in a world where rape, domestic violence statistics, wealth distribution, political and big business representation and societal pressures were reduced if men within popular culture took some more responsibility for loving and respecting women, and who needs that shit?

 

I like men hating me when I don’t measure up to gormless, physically perfect women on tv. I like hating myself as well. At least I think I do *giggle* , can you let me know dad?

 

 

Yours sincerely,

 

The daughters of Mr Williams, Thicke and Harris.

 


Death of a Tyrant

When you look at the smug, self-congratulatory faces of people like Toby Young (still firmly entrenched in the unrequited love of Julie Burchill) and Louise Mensch (a failure as both a politician and social network figurehead, business partner with a pervert, and mediocre fashion blogger) as they have the sheer audacity to equate the jubilation at the long awaited demise of Margaret Thatcher with a proposed lack of dignity, one can’t help but be reminded of the dignity of the people of South Africa when Thatcher dragged her feet at a trade embargo which might have ended apartheid sooner. One is also reminded of the dignity of the families tortured by Pinochet, Thatcher’s close personal friend and advocate. At the same time we are reminded of the dignity of:

 

 

Nelson Mandela; described by Thatcher as a terrorist.

 

Hundreds of thousands of Irish families who during her reign suffered as a consequence of inadequate and barbaric policy; from Bobby Sands and the Hunger Strikers, to those wrongfully imprisoned for acts of terror such as The Guildford Four, not to mention the millions of families on both sides who suffered as a consequence of an inhumane reluctance to face the responsibility of fair negotiation.

 

The families of those engaged in Trade Union activity during the miner’s strikes of the mid 80’s; when thousands of the very poorest communities stood by one another, united in political opposition to the decimation of their livelihoods, living without a wage in order to try (but ultimately painfully fail) in retaining the working traditions of a great many towns and villages.

 

The people of Argentina who suffered as a consequence of a relatively unpopular politician instigating a war, purely to win it and curry favour for an election win.

 

The many millions of people rendered unemployed during her reign.

 

The families of those who went to prison for non-payment of the Poll Tax – which ultimately led to Thatcher’s political demise.

 

The families of those killed at Hillsborough who fought for over 23 years to receive justice for being characterized as responsible for the deaths of 96 of their own, vilified in the press and effectively ignored and penalized by Thatcher’s government.

 

 

The truth is, if I were to sit here listing those people who have remained dignified during Thatcher’s reign of terror, I could be here for a great number of days.

 

Throughout my life I have had sanctions placed on my life as a consequence of Margaret Thatcher.

 

I knew a woman who died after being beaten to death by her husband, despite trying to seek refuge for which there was no facility available during Thatcher’s reign. I know people who went to prison for non-payment of Poll Tax. I know a Miner’s wife who asked my mum for tea bags, because she’d run out and she was bawling in front of me (I was five) because she didn’t know how she was going to survive. We were robbed so often in one week when I lived in a flat in Manchester as a baby, that the final burglary resulted in them taking the old carpets. We were homeless twice and I had to sleep in one double bed with my mum for six months before we were rehoused.

 

This isn’t gross sentimentality, or bandwagon jumping, or trend-led loony leftism: this is my truth. I don’t know anyone Bin Laden, Saddam, or Hitler killed. But the 1980’s were a climate of destruction that I lived in.

 

I hold Thatcher responsible.

 

Not because I want to gift her with the inaccurate and frankly insulting characteristics being afforded by the media. The truth is she didn’t hold on to her principles, she regularly back peddled. She didn’t stay true to herself, she spent years receiving elocution lessons. She wasn’t autonomous; she had teams of Machiavellian, barbaric, chinless advisors. She was an out and out failure as a parent, raising a vile criminal and celebrity kangaroo cock eater. She wasn’t anything approaching a feminist, as a transparent manpleaser (like all Tory women, engaged in a branch of politics that actively serve to undermine them, just like Dorries, Mensch etc) the purpose of her life was to please and accommodate men, she was regularly described as a flirt and she surrounded herself with male advisors, only acknowledging her own gender when it was personally rewarding.

 

Thatcher must be held responsible not because of anything she was as a person. She was insubstantial, pathetic and fundamentally deeply self loathing – how else does one distance themselves from their working class roots and subjugated gender, than by surrounding themselves by rich men and establishing laws that only serve to protect only them?

 

Thatcher is just a token; she is just a figurehead for evilness. But she is a figurehead nonetheless.

 

And to those who say speaking ill of the dead is undignified, we have to look at the dignity of a woman who died in much the same way as she lived, having spent the last four months in a luxury hotel: lavishly, obscenely and offensively out of touch with the rest of the UK.

 

As for the pomposity of her funeral, let’s take comfort in the fact that the grander the occasion, the bigger the party. Fuck dignity.

 

We should not be silenced at her death, in the way we were silenced throughout her life. We don’t just have a right to celebrate, we have a duty.


Krissychula for Queen (Adventures in YouTube – Part Two)

Around Christmas I was introduced to the person I could happily spend the rest of my life with.

However, there are a few obstacles standing in my way:

  1. She doesn’t have a dick, and neither do I. We’re both straight and fans of the D. But you know, sex isn’t everything.
  2. I scare her. OK, so I kind of hunted her down on Twitter and made all my friends follow her and proclaim my love to her daily. I did her an audioboo, now I’m writing her a blog and I’m only three days off finishing my album dedicated to her eyes. But there’s an ocean between us.
  3. Everyone else loves her. All kinds of rivals for her affection have made all sorts of blogs and YouTube videos and tumblrs about how fucking great she is, describing her as their “spirit animal” and icon. Fuck you guys; she’s MY spirit animal!
  4. I’m late to the game. Everyone has known about this woman for centuries. I’m pretty sure, she’s the real guiding light of Joan of Arc. I am late to this party, because I am old and technology scares me, I should not be penalised for that.
  5. She is far away. I’m confident that this is her sole source of comfort, but it makes me sad. She is too good for America, which you know, could be said about millions of people but with her it’s especially true. I want to ship her out with Robert De Niro, DJ Prince “marry me already” Paul and Hershey’s Nutrageous bars (they’re proper nice, trust me).

But this is not about me. Despite my fantasies of us as roommates forever, in a glorious Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau scenario, my heroine is more than capable of speaking for herself:

Her politics:

Her wit:

Can someone please explain to me why she is not already Queen of the World? Genuine question.

There are too many videos for me to upload. Follow her YouTube and Tumblr: krissychula, or follow her on twitter at @latinfirekrzy1. And prepare to switch religion/ start believing.

Oh how I love thee, Krissychula. Oh, how I love thee.


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