Johnny Depp was my first celebrity crush. I cut any pictures or posters I found of him in Just 17 and sellotaped them on my wall, fucking up the wallpaper, even ones that were the size of a postage stamp. It was a combination of factors, most of which were aesthetic, but I also – with pre-pubescent discernment – thought he was a bit more interesting that some of the other Hollywood actors of the era. A bit grubby, but heart of gold type thing. I don’t know. The heart wants what it wants.
The crush lasted for a few years, and then dropped off a bit, but I kept a toe dipped in (research purposes) and I liked his choice of roles and even as he aged, he had the sort of cheekbones you’d be willing to share your last few jaffa cakes with.
He cultivated an image as a sort of reckless, but not soulless, libertine tied to his love of hedonism and just – in every sense- the epitome of cool. From his friendship with Hunter, romantic dalliances with the indie pin ups; Winona, Vanessa, Kate…, being in the band that River Phoenix went to watch on the night of his death, outside the nightclub Depp partly owned, rock star mates, sending himself up on The Fast Show to fucking off to France with Paradis and procreating, as any hetero old fella would, given half a chance.
When he split up with Vanessa, I was fleetingly disappointed, because I liked the thought of them just fucking around in vintage smoking jackets, chugging wine from the bottle in their private vineyard and shagging in French. Then I vaguely recall him getting together with Amber Heard who was gorgeous but considerably younger. And that was that.
The next thing was rumoured abuse on the internet and from the very beginning, it was pitched (albeit less furiously) as Amber was lying. I don’t remember the context, but she was a relative unknown to me and he was a star and the temperature on social media was that she was a liar, and worse.
That’s how it started. I didn’t have much of an opinion, other than thinking that if he was abusive, I’d be disappointed and he’d have to go on the long list of abusers that I’d fancied at one point.
Things heated up during the British court case in which Depp sued Dan Wootton and The Sun for defamation, after they’d labelled him a ‘Wife Beater.’ On the one hand I think the instances of women enduring court cases to detail their abuse by someone much more rich and powerful than them, deserve support and respect, on the other I fucking hate Dan Wootton and The Sun. Loathe. I wouldn’t wipe my arse on The Sun. I wouldn’t wipe my arse on The Sun if I’d spent ten years on a rain-soaked island and a copy of The Sun appeared mysteriously, dry and in pristine condition right next to the place where I shat. And I had dysentery.
Nonetheless The Sun and Dan Wootton won the case, as the British courts ruled that Johnny Depp being a Wife Beater was ‘substantially true.’ Johnny Depp had brought the action and lost. Around the time of this trial, the public animosity towards Heard seemed to deepen and started to morph into something else. The crescendo of which has been evident throughout this trial, a second trial that Johnny instigated. And the crux of the discourse has centred on the character of Heard. The way she smiles, the way she moves her head, how she does her hair, what she says, how she says it, how she walks, how she blinks, how she cries, how she speaks, where she looks… ad infinitum.
A lot of different groups from the Men’s Rights Activists, and the Alt-Right to most mainstream journalists, and social media users are all united in the fact that she’s a liar, a fraud, and maliciously ruining Depp’s career.
Johnny Depp instigated this court case, picked a shit hot legal team and a state most favourable to defamation trials, despite the case not being in any way associated with that state, and had a jury comprising five men and three women. I have never witnessed such one-sided support for an alleged victim of domestic violence.
Now, I don’t know for a fact that she sliced his finger, or that he hit her in front of her sister, leaving bruises. I don’t know if he hit her on the plane, if he sexually assaulted her, if she recorded him purely for… what? Attention? A bigger divorce pay out? I don’t know who was abusive for a fact. But – and here’s the fucking rub – neither do you.
I do know that what Amber Heard has experienced and is experiencing is disproportionate even if you believe she made the whole thing up. I also think that considering her every tiny movement is turned into a two-minute clickbait YouTube video about how she is the worst person on earth, it’s amazing how little is made of a middle-aged man laughing at her recounting abuse, posing with fans outside the courthouse, forcing her to go to court twice, and refusing to look at her throughout.
I think the whole thing is abusive. The texts he concedes he actually sent are definitely abusive, sexually abusive at that.
This result is a bollocks. Over time it will be proven to be bollocks. Harvey Weinstein got less shit. Abusers are rubbing their hands in glee. This is a monumental set-back for all women and survivors of abuse. Can men be victims of domestic abuse? Absolutely. Can even rich and powerful men with enough money to have their own bodyguards be victims of domestic abuse? Still, yes. But Johnny Depp isn’t suing Amber Heard for being abusive. That formed his argument but he is not suing Amber for alleged abuse. He is suing her for writing that she was a public figure associated with sexual violence, something that’s previously been proven in court to be substantially true. So, here’s the thing, The Sun and Dan Wootton won loads of money for saying Amber was abused by Depp. Depp won loads of money saying she defamed him by implying he abused her. Amber has lost on every fucking front.
I believe her. I watched some of the evidence over the week, I believe her. Like I said, the texts alone disgust me.
But let’s say I’m wrong and she’s duplicitous and this is all an attempt to bring Johnny Depp down and garner public sympathy and get either more fame or more money. She’s failed on the money and the public sympathy counts, but let’s say that was her intention.
Let’s say she sat up all night plotting how to ruin Depp, and orchestrated a smear campaign, the culmination of which is this court verdict which attests to that. That despite the previous court case verdict, she was the abusive one, he never abused her once, and she was hell bent on destroying him. Let’s say it’s all true. Why is it that she’s endured two court cases on this issue, delivering two separate verdicts in which all the men involved have gained financially and she has lost everything? The fact that two courts reached two separate decisions on this and she has never received damages is in itself abusive. She’s receiving abuse on the internet every day. Johnny Depp didn’t even wait around for the verdict in a trial he said had ruined his life. He’s on stage in Manchester this weekend, receiving applause for playing the guitar as some sort of Fathers for Justice figurehead for powerful men who can be abused too. Johnny Depp’s not an everyman. If you think he’s a voice for the disempowered and a backlash to cancel culture, you’re a dickhead. He was never going to lose his career and I don’t believe he’s demonstrably lost anything thus far. In fact, I think he’s gained. I think he’s abusive and he’s gained from that abuse. One day this victory will be seen for what it is. A lot of people have pointed out that the length of this trial and the public response to it after Covid and during the cost of living crisis, is frivolous and unconscionable. A frivolous and conscionable outcome therefore is fitting. But what Heard has endured and will continue to endure is the ultimate magnification of the ways in which women are judged in sexual violence trials. The #AmberTurd trending topic is the age old ‘Yes, but what were you wearing?’ and the perceived flaws of victims will always shape the discourse. Wherever you stand on the Johnny Depp/ Amber Heard trial, look at the internet and try to find balance. It’s not there. And given that none of us know the truth for absolute certain, that is abuse.